1 00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:07,660 Going out, then? 2 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:09,300 Yes, I am, actually. 3 00:00:10,020 --> 00:00:11,020 Anywhere nice? 4 00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:12,240 Just up the West End. 5 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:13,800 Again? 6 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,220 Yes, again. 7 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:16,920 Any objections? 8 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:19,800 Chigwell's out of quarantine now, you know. 9 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:21,360 Have you heard? 10 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,600 They've taken the barriers down at Stanford Hill. 11 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,440 Thought I'd make a dash for it. 12 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:28,300 Well, why not, I thought. 13 00:00:28,860 --> 00:00:30,820 It's another stamp on my passport, isn't it? 14 00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:33,900 All right, all right. I was only asking. 15 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:37,560 It's a nice blaze. No, isn't it? 16 00:00:38,460 --> 00:00:39,460 Not exactly. 17 00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:41,040 What do you mean, not exactly? 18 00:00:41,940 --> 00:00:44,440 I mean, not exactly, actually. 19 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,820 Well, where exactly, actually, did you get it? 20 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,580 I got it from the men cap shop in the high street. All right. 21 00:00:53,580 --> 00:00:55,660 You get a very nice class of tat in Chigwell. 22 00:00:56,760 --> 00:01:00,020 I've got a week for after term next week. At least I'll have Garthy around 23 00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:02,540 talk to. I bet he's really looking forward to coming home. 24 00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:06,480 Two weeks in Chigwell. Must be every teenager's dream. 25 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,740 Go write to Jimmy Savile from Malibu and Tahiti. 26 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,280 See if he can fix them up with a fortnight round here. 27 00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:15,680 Well, why wouldn't he be looking forward to it? I am. 28 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:17,600 I haven't seen him since the summer holidays. 29 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,780 And he hasn't seen his dad since God knows when. 30 00:01:25,780 --> 00:01:28,160 Perfume's a bit strong, isn't it? Is that new and all? 31 00:01:29,260 --> 00:01:30,280 What is this? 32 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:31,700 The Chigwell Inquisition? 33 00:01:32,780 --> 00:01:35,100 Where am I going? Where did I get these things? 34 00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:37,480 You're my sister, not my blooming probation officer. 35 00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:40,020 All right, all right. I was only chatting. 36 00:01:40,220 --> 00:01:41,220 No, you weren't. 37 00:01:41,460 --> 00:01:43,840 You're all sly innuendo and oblique questions. 38 00:01:45,130 --> 00:01:46,130 A bleak? 39 00:01:46,870 --> 00:01:48,290 Yes, a bleak. 40 00:01:48,770 --> 00:01:50,770 It means not straightforward. 41 00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:52,910 You know, iffy. I know. 42 00:01:53,270 --> 00:01:54,970 And where are you getting all these new words? 43 00:01:55,230 --> 00:01:57,390 You've been sneaking off and having elocution lessons. 44 00:01:57,690 --> 00:01:58,730 Is that where you're going? 45 00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:02,270 I'm going into town to see about a job. All right. 46 00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:05,370 Again? That's the third job you've been for in a fortnight. 47 00:02:05,670 --> 00:02:07,970 So? There's three more than you've gone for. 48 00:02:08,310 --> 00:02:10,110 So how come you haven't got one of them? 49 00:02:10,949 --> 00:02:13,130 Well, I'm obviously not suitable, am I? 50 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:14,880 Well, what sort of jobs are you going for? 51 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,300 Well, obviously ones I'm not suitable for. 52 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:22,360 And if you don't mind, I've got an appointment, actually. 53 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,800 Sounds like you could use an appointment with somebody. 54 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,220 And what's that supposed to mean? 55 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,160 Nothing, actually. 56 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:30,700 I was just being a bleak. 57 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:37,640 Gosh. 58 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,820 You mean it was all stockings over their head and sawn -off shotguns and all 59 00:02:41,820 --> 00:02:43,730 that? Well, they'd seen it on television. 60 00:02:44,210 --> 00:02:47,190 They'd got the costumes right, they'd just got the choreography wrong. 61 00:02:48,550 --> 00:02:52,870 But there was no miscarriage of justice, no free Christopher Theodore 62 00:02:52,870 --> 00:02:55,030 Lopapopadopadis campaign? 63 00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:58,310 No, we couldn't fit his name on the badges. 64 00:02:59,630 --> 00:03:02,370 In fact, with a name like his, you can't even spray it on a wall. 65 00:03:03,130 --> 00:03:05,190 Your aerosol runs out before you get to the end. 66 00:03:06,870 --> 00:03:09,870 No, we couldn't get him out, so we decided to do the next best thing. 67 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,440 Let him rot. 68 00:03:12,740 --> 00:03:13,740 You're wicked. 69 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:14,920 Oh, he is. 70 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,180 That's why he's where he is. 71 00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:20,460 Well, that's my average of a quarter, and that's being generous. 72 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,440 So how comes there's no woman in your life? 73 00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:25,720 Oh, I never met Miss Wright. 74 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,140 Or even Mrs Wright that I could steal off someone. 75 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,660 I never seemed to meet many women full stop. 76 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,940 Hence the, um, pathetic small ad. 77 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:37,920 Oh, it wasn't that small. 78 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,640 It was bigger than Oriental Doctor Sleeps Western Playmate. 79 00:03:41,980 --> 00:03:44,820 You considered that one, then, did you? 80 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:46,540 Only briefly. 81 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,300 Didn't say what kind of doctor he was, did it? 82 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,200 Now, I could do with a plastic surgeon. 83 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,260 You know, he might get something out of it. 84 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:59,700 New chin, a pair of flared nostrils, a few spare bits from Bridget Nilsen. 85 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,380 Oh, you cheer me up, Sharon, you really do. 86 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:09,060 You're my one escape from my drab, predictable existence. 87 00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:12,220 Come on. What are they really like? 88 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,020 You're riding the shooting crowd. 89 00:04:14,540 --> 00:04:18,779 Well, about as warm and inviting as your average deep freeze. 90 00:04:19,540 --> 00:04:21,440 About as funny as a row of coffins. 91 00:04:22,380 --> 00:04:24,400 I just can't imagine you fitting in with them. 92 00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:27,200 Me? I was brought up to fit in. 93 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:32,980 I've got degrees in fitting in. I spend 90 % of my waking life fitting in. 94 00:04:33,610 --> 00:04:34,630 And the other 10 %? 95 00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:36,930 I'm on the loo. 96 00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:41,350 That's my other escape. 97 00:04:42,910 --> 00:04:45,210 Which is why it's so much fun seeing you, Sharon. 98 00:04:45,710 --> 00:04:47,970 You've no idea how claustrophobic life becomes. 99 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:51,890 You know, never letting go, never being embarrassing. 100 00:04:53,130 --> 00:04:56,070 Being embarrassing is something I've always had a natural talent for. 101 00:04:57,570 --> 00:05:01,070 You know, the first time I saw you, I thought, now that is a woman I could be 102 00:05:01,070 --> 00:05:02,070 really embarrassing with. 103 00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:07,180 By the way, I, um, I booked it. 104 00:05:08,580 --> 00:05:09,580 Booked what? 105 00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:12,140 Well, somewhere to be really embarrassing. 106 00:05:13,940 --> 00:05:14,940 Here's the brochure. 107 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,120 I booked us in for the whole weekend. 108 00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:21,820 Auntie Ruby's five -star catering. 109 00:05:23,260 --> 00:05:27,400 Um, no, that's, um, that's the wrong brochure, sorry. That's, that's for Mr. 110 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,420 Chips and Teabag. Um, here, look. 111 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,080 Lovely. 112 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:35,800 The old weekend. 113 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:39,500 Abbey Court Hotel. 114 00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,720 Rose Gardens, little courtyard. 115 00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:45,800 Four poster beds. 116 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,340 Well, we can take the posts down if they bother you. 117 00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:51,580 They won't bother me. 118 00:06:03,470 --> 00:06:04,470 Something for you. 119 00:06:05,110 --> 00:06:07,650 Mark, you should have. I love buying you presents. 120 00:06:08,130 --> 00:06:13,670 I mean, it's nothing special. It's not a pair of flared nostrils or any spare 121 00:06:13,670 --> 00:06:14,770 bits of Bridget Nilsen. 122 00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:17,370 Oh, Mark, it's gorgeous. 123 00:06:22,790 --> 00:06:24,310 You old fibber. 124 00:06:28,030 --> 00:06:30,150 It's full of bits of Bridget Nilsen. 125 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,460 It's bloody secrets. I think it's pathetic. 126 00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:50,940 The last person that kept secrets from me is serving 12 years for blagging 127 00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:51,940 security vans. 128 00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:55,880 Look, you're not going to believe this, Trace. 129 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:01,880 Hello? 130 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:03,920 Garfield! 131 00:07:04,460 --> 00:07:06,440 On a course, I remember. Your room's ready. 132 00:07:09,660 --> 00:07:10,660 What? 133 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,060 you for about four days. 134 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:18,800 Eh? 135 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,600 Oh, really? Just two of the last four days? 136 00:07:21,820 --> 00:07:22,820 Well, lucky me. 137 00:07:23,140 --> 00:07:25,380 Do you think you might find half -ass go and visit your dad? 138 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:29,460 Listen, I don't care what the others are doing. 139 00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:32,740 You break up on Friday so you get your bum back here by Saturday. 140 00:07:33,780 --> 00:07:35,040 Yeah, I do mean it. 141 00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:36,960 Well, just make sure you do. 142 00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:40,280 Well, what do you think of that? 143 00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:43,310 He gets two weeks' holiday and he wants to spend it with his school friends. 144 00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:44,950 Invited up to Scotland. 145 00:07:45,510 --> 00:07:46,570 Fishing, if you don't mind. 146 00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:48,270 Fishing for two weeks. 147 00:07:48,830 --> 00:07:50,430 I've always wondered how long they sat there. 148 00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:55,210 Then the Crawfords have invited him up to his hunting lodge. Well, how jolly 149 00:07:55,210 --> 00:07:56,850 super. Well, what about me? 150 00:07:57,630 --> 00:08:00,830 Then he has the cheek to say he'll come home for a few days, but there's a party 151 00:08:00,830 --> 00:08:04,550 in Sussex on Friday night. Then they're all going to Twickers for a rugby match. 152 00:08:05,390 --> 00:08:06,870 Or was the party in Twickers? 153 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,340 I've heard of that. It's a wine bar, isn't it? 154 00:08:10,980 --> 00:08:14,800 I don't know, Trace, but it all sounds a lot more fun than two weeks in 155 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,300 Chigwell. Yeah, but it's the school Aussies. He's supposed to come home to 156 00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:19,780 family, not someone else's. 157 00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:22,520 Anyway, why does he want to go after those sorts? 158 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,560 What do you mean, those sorts? 159 00:08:25,020 --> 00:08:26,020 They're his schoolmates. 160 00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:29,620 Yeah, but there'll be old families of them, and they'll all make him feel 161 00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:31,520 rotten. They'll all be horrible snobs. 162 00:08:32,039 --> 00:08:34,080 Come on, Trace, they're not all like that. 163 00:08:34,340 --> 00:08:35,340 How do you know? 164 00:08:35,869 --> 00:08:37,870 Anyway, they'll make him feel out of place. 165 00:08:38,110 --> 00:08:39,630 They'll be laughing behind his back. 166 00:08:40,070 --> 00:08:43,190 And anyway, he must be short of reddies by now. If he's going fishing, he's 167 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,190 going to need money. 168 00:08:44,270 --> 00:08:46,250 Why? Maggots can't be that dear. 169 00:08:47,350 --> 00:08:50,910 You know what I mean. I bet they only invited him because they felt sorry for 170 00:08:50,910 --> 00:08:54,490 him. Well, I'm not having my gaffer going through that. He's coming home to 171 00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:55,490 own and that's that. 172 00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:57,430 Coming home to mummy. 173 00:08:58,890 --> 00:09:00,310 And what's that supposed to mean? 174 00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:02,810 Nothing. I spoke. 175 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:05,400 And what you got in there? 176 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:06,980 A new handbag. 177 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,199 A new handbag? 178 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,460 How can you afford that? 179 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,160 It was a present. 180 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:12,800 From who? 181 00:09:13,260 --> 00:09:14,600 No one you'd want to know. 182 00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:19,500 Oh, you must think I'm some sort of pillock, going off up west all tighted 183 00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:20,760 and coming home with new things. 184 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,040 Do you think I don't know what's going on? 185 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:24,860 So go on, admit it. 186 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:26,940 What are you talking about? 187 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:28,320 You know. 188 00:09:28,620 --> 00:09:29,700 I don't know. 189 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,500 You're on the game, ain't you? 190 00:09:34,570 --> 00:09:38,530 I've seen it hundreds of times. When we were kids, half the women down Stanley 191 00:09:38,530 --> 00:09:39,530 Street were at it. 192 00:09:39,650 --> 00:09:42,630 No visible means of support except their suspenders. 193 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,190 And that's what you think of me, is it? 194 00:09:48,070 --> 00:09:50,390 Well, thanks a bleeding million, Trace. 195 00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:56,250 You grab yourself a bit of privacy, get a new handbag, and all of a sudden you 196 00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:58,090 miss ten times a night if you've got the readies. 197 00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:02,990 Most people know her as simple, friendly, respectable Sharon. 198 00:10:03,710 --> 00:10:07,490 But then it's into the phone box, quick change into the fishnets and red 199 00:10:07,490 --> 00:10:09,610 garters, and off she flies. 200 00:10:10,630 --> 00:10:11,630 Supergirl! 201 00:10:12,830 --> 00:10:14,570 You dirty -minded cow! 202 00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:22,710 My own sister. And that's what she thinks of me. 203 00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:26,570 Well, that's the problem with secrets, Sharon. People draw their own 204 00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:27,570 conclusions. 205 00:10:27,950 --> 00:10:29,350 Personally, I think it's all rather silly. 206 00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:31,890 I mean, a secret's no fun unless you share it. 207 00:10:32,490 --> 00:10:34,200 Why don't you just... tell her about Mark? 208 00:10:34,540 --> 00:10:37,200 I can't do. She's too narrow -minded. 209 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,940 I can see by the way she's treating Garth. 210 00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,180 It's the old us and them bit. 211 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,580 Us down here cringing and them up there gobbing on us. 212 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:51,000 I think that's what you call a working class inferiority complex. 213 00:10:51,380 --> 00:10:53,140 Yeah, well it's what I call a pain in the bum. 214 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,800 What an attitude to lumber yourself with, eh? 215 00:10:57,220 --> 00:10:58,460 Poor Garth's getting it. 216 00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:02,500 Not being allowed to mix properly. Teaching him to know his place. 217 00:11:03,510 --> 00:11:04,950 I know what she'll say to me. 218 00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:07,450 Stick to your own kind, she'll say. 219 00:11:08,130 --> 00:11:10,370 Find yourself a bloke from East Street Market. 220 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:11,770 Hard working. 221 00:11:11,990 --> 00:11:14,430 Andy. Got a nice business, mending hoovers. 222 00:11:14,670 --> 00:11:17,370 Runs a dog at Acme. Gets legless every Friday. 223 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,670 But his heart's in the right place. 224 00:11:20,190 --> 00:11:22,310 That's if he hasn't spewed it up Saturday morning. 225 00:11:23,690 --> 00:11:25,910 Yes, it's wonderful with your own kind. 226 00:11:26,170 --> 00:11:28,910 You get through the weekend without a black eye and you're winning. 227 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,560 Sounds a bit too earthy for my taste. 228 00:11:33,180 --> 00:11:35,060 But people can change, Dore. 229 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:39,040 Why should I spend the rest of my life groveling on me knees? 230 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:40,400 Well, quite. 231 00:11:40,940 --> 00:11:43,040 Save it till it's a turn -on, that's what I say. 232 00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:47,000 And talking of sex... I wasn't. 233 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,340 No, that's what bothers me. 234 00:11:50,260 --> 00:11:53,360 Sharon, it's been six dates now and, well, just presents. 235 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,440 Are you sure he's quite normal? 236 00:11:56,220 --> 00:11:58,360 Are you sure there isn't a chromosome on the blink? 237 00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:04,010 The weekend after next. 238 00:12:05,170 --> 00:12:06,950 The weekend after next. 239 00:12:08,030 --> 00:12:10,750 This is indeed unbridled passion. 240 00:12:12,450 --> 00:12:15,850 Oh, he's been building up to it, hasn't he? Like a gentleman. 241 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:20,010 No quick airs your father in a cheap hotel for Mark. Oh, no. 242 00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:22,930 Abbey Court Hotel. 243 00:12:23,850 --> 00:12:24,850 16th century? 244 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:26,530 Or 17th? 245 00:12:26,770 --> 00:12:28,490 What's a century between friends? 246 00:12:28,930 --> 00:12:29,970 Locked fires. 247 00:12:30,370 --> 00:12:31,670 Four poster beds. 248 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,420 champagne breakfast on the terrace? 249 00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:37,900 Very stylish. Slow, but very stylish. 250 00:12:38,580 --> 00:12:41,320 Look, you must tell Tracy. 251 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:46,540 What? And let her put the mockers and all that? No way. 252 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,600 Not going out then? 253 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,200 No. 254 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,300 It's a bit dead down King's Cross of a Tuesday. 255 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,000 All the Abbot Away Day girls are down from Bradford. 256 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,400 Gets a bit competitive, know what I mean? 257 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:12,480 You could end up offering them green shield stamps or a set of Pirates 258 00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:14,800 All right, all right. I said, oh, sorry. 259 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,040 I should think you are. 260 00:13:16,260 --> 00:13:17,260 A brass? 261 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,360 Flattery will get you everywhere, Trace. 262 00:13:19,780 --> 00:13:20,780 I tell you something. 263 00:13:21,230 --> 00:13:24,290 It's lucky it didn't get you halfway down the stairs, flat on your back, with 264 00:13:24,290 --> 00:13:25,290 half your teeth missing. 265 00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:26,630 All right, sorry. 266 00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:29,830 What do you want me to do, get down on me hands and knees, confess me sins, 267 00:13:30,150 --> 00:13:32,430 chant four Hail Marys and six Hail Sharons? 268 00:13:33,330 --> 00:13:35,450 I might consider that a touching gesture. 269 00:13:35,710 --> 00:13:39,110 Oh, would you? Well, how about reclining on the sofa while I do a fan dance and 270 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:40,130 peel grapes for you? 271 00:13:41,210 --> 00:13:44,190 Please, please. Well, tough luck. I've apologised once. 272 00:13:44,450 --> 00:13:45,890 I'm not humiliating myself. 273 00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:48,790 I'm not getting down and crawling to you and licking your slippers. 274 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:50,990 Don't knock it till you've tried it, Tracy. 275 00:13:53,150 --> 00:13:56,190 I did tap on the door, but I couldn't compete. I've never had a particularly 276 00:13:56,190 --> 00:13:57,190 vulgar knock. 277 00:13:58,890 --> 00:13:59,890 Now, look, you two. 278 00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:05,170 These arguments are brought on by secrecy. But it's her that's got all the 279 00:14:05,170 --> 00:14:06,170 secrets, not me. 280 00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:07,210 I know. 281 00:14:07,370 --> 00:14:11,110 And it has led to a breakdown in communications, an emotional block. 282 00:14:12,550 --> 00:14:15,550 Now, think of me as a cross between Claire Rayner and Diner Rod. 283 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,790 She won't tell me nothing. I have to keep putting two and two together. 284 00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:26,190 I'm proving you can't add up. Look, why don't you tell her, Sharon? She'll 285 00:14:26,190 --> 00:14:27,190 understand. 286 00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:29,490 She won't. 287 00:14:29,850 --> 00:14:30,970 Understand what? 288 00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:32,490 About Mark? 289 00:14:32,870 --> 00:14:34,890 She won't. Mark who? 290 00:14:35,230 --> 00:14:37,250 Mark, her new man. 291 00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:44,390 They've had several rather cosy dates and they're getting on really well. 292 00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:46,110 Come on, Sharon. 293 00:14:46,710 --> 00:14:47,710 Tell her. 294 00:14:48,940 --> 00:14:51,260 Of course, he's from a totally different background to Sharon. 295 00:14:51,460 --> 00:14:52,460 Isn't that right? 296 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:57,240 He sounds like an absolute gentleman. Very county. Owns horses, hunts, shoots, 297 00:14:57,380 --> 00:15:00,920 that sort of thing. And he's absolutely besotted with Sharon. 298 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:02,720 Amazing, isn't it? 299 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,960 Now, doll, should I tell her now? 300 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,040 But how did you meet someone like him, Cheryl? 301 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:21,460 I met him through an advert. 302 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,300 Yeah? Which advert? 303 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:24,520 Have I seen it? 304 00:15:25,180 --> 00:15:26,260 The bog roll ad. 305 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,500 Mark was the one that dashes across the field with it in his mouth. 306 00:15:32,580 --> 00:15:35,060 What kind of advert do you think a contact's ad? 307 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:36,440 Oh, I see. 308 00:15:36,860 --> 00:15:38,380 But are you sure about this? 309 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:39,600 I mean, are you happy? 310 00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:42,640 The last time you was really happy with a bloke was that one that you met down 311 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:43,639 East Street Market. 312 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,960 You remember him? Nice bloke. Used to mend over. 313 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,220 I'm on a dog at Acne, yeah. 314 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:49,660 See what I mean, doll? 315 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,740 I'm sorry, Sharon, you were right. 316 00:15:53,060 --> 00:15:55,580 At base, Tracy is an uneducated bigot. 317 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:58,060 Bigot? Who are you calling a French stick? 318 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:03,720 See what I mean? 319 00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:05,380 You can't talk to her. 320 00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:10,240 Narrow -minded and sick with it. Never mind, Sharon, you have me to confide in. 321 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,780 I at least understand. 322 00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:13,540 But she's the same with Dorothy. 323 00:16:14,170 --> 00:16:18,530 On the phone yesterday, pleading to go fishing with his mates. It's, oh, no, 324 00:16:18,530 --> 00:16:20,130 don't. Stick with your own kind. 325 00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:22,750 It's sickening the way she's screwing him up. 326 00:16:23,210 --> 00:16:25,390 Oh, and since when were you an expert on kids? 327 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:28,810 You don't even like them. And when you was one, you never stopped moaning. 328 00:16:29,970 --> 00:16:32,750 You don't have to be an expert to see what you're doing to him. 329 00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:37,610 Wrapping him up in cotton wool, fussing over him, tying him to your apron 330 00:16:37,610 --> 00:16:41,010 strings. He's going to grow up to be a real little mummy's boy. 331 00:16:41,610 --> 00:16:43,330 I just don't want him to get hurt. 332 00:16:44,850 --> 00:16:45,950 Paranoid as well, Dore. 333 00:16:46,530 --> 00:16:49,190 Thinks we're all talking posh just to make her feel bad. 334 00:16:49,710 --> 00:16:52,750 I suppose when he comes home, we'll have to teach him to speak Cockney again. 335 00:16:53,150 --> 00:16:54,950 Sort of Eliza Doolittle in reverse. 336 00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:57,230 Put yourself together, Tracy. 337 00:16:57,610 --> 00:17:00,590 Your husband robbed a lot of banks so Garth could speak properly. 338 00:17:00,830 --> 00:17:01,830 I know. 339 00:17:02,510 --> 00:17:06,530 But it's not just how he speaks, it's what he says, how he thinks these days. 340 00:17:07,190 --> 00:17:10,829 I don't mind him going off with his mates for a few days, but the old... 341 00:17:10,859 --> 00:17:14,839 holiday. I mean, what about me? Is he ashamed of me? Oh, Tracy, the contacts 342 00:17:14,839 --> 00:17:18,220 Garth is making now will set him up for the rest of his life. I mean, think 343 00:17:18,220 --> 00:17:19,220 about it. 344 00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:21,800 He could be fishing with a future Prime Minister. 345 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:24,619 Instead of maggots, you mean? 346 00:17:28,060 --> 00:17:30,020 You know I'm right, Tracy. 347 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,140 I'm always right. 348 00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:34,120 I suppose so. 349 00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,800 I'll give him a ring later, tell him he can go fishing. 350 00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,120 And what about me, eh? 351 00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:43,690 Why can't I go fishing for something a bit better than a jerk who mends overs? 352 00:17:45,070 --> 00:17:47,610 This is... I don't know. 353 00:17:47,890 --> 00:17:50,210 This feels really grown up, Trace. 354 00:17:50,510 --> 00:17:54,090 For the first time in my life, a bloke who respects me as me. 355 00:17:54,450 --> 00:17:57,150 No stupid games, no put -downs. 356 00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:00,070 Someone that treats me like a lady. 357 00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:01,590 It's great. 358 00:18:02,450 --> 00:18:05,490 Opens doors for me, lights my fag, takes my coat. 359 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:10,040 In the past, whenever a bloke took my coat, that was usually the last I ever 360 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:11,040 of it. 361 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,440 Look, I'm hardly to the manor born, I know. 362 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,540 But there's more to life than a night out of wolf and so dogs. 363 00:18:20,540 --> 00:18:22,780 There's a different world out there, Trace. 364 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,180 Point to points, weekends in the country, nice restaurants. 365 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,500 Why shouldn't I have a piece of that, eh? 366 00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,240 Two pieces even. 367 00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:35,490 Or three. This is no time to diet, shall we? 368 00:18:37,130 --> 00:18:39,010 I'm sorry you feel like that, Cheryl. 369 00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:42,350 I hate it when you think you have to hide things from me. I do, honest. 370 00:18:43,130 --> 00:18:47,090 Look, I'd love to meet him. Give him a ring, invite him over. This weekend, if 371 00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:48,090 you like. 372 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:49,170 No point. 373 00:18:49,290 --> 00:18:50,870 It goes for the country of a weekend. 374 00:18:51,470 --> 00:18:53,170 Doing rugged and manly things. 375 00:18:53,670 --> 00:18:55,870 You know, killing small animals and that. 376 00:18:56,670 --> 00:18:59,630 Except next weekend when he's doing rugged and manly things to me. 377 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,580 But Sharon, you can't keep this thing with Mark on neutral ground forever. You 378 00:19:04,580 --> 00:19:06,840 either get into each other's lives or you just drift apart. 379 00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:12,120 Yeah, but in town, his life's all work. And out of town, it's just horses. 380 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:14,460 Well, there you are then. 381 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,160 You have to learn to ride. 382 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:18,760 What? 383 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:20,220 Me on an horse? 384 00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:22,720 She even fell off a donkey at South End. 385 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,580 There's nothing to it. You'll be fine once you've found your seat. 386 00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,100 Finds her seat. 387 00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:29,940 It's her heart she's lost, not her band. 388 00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:32,960 Think about it, Sharon. 389 00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:37,200 The two of you, riding off together across the fields. 390 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,460 The thunder of hooves. 391 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,240 The rhythmic creaking of leather. 392 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:44,800 The wind on your face. 393 00:19:45,860 --> 00:19:47,980 The rhythmic creaking of leather. 394 00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:52,540 All right, get out the saddle door. This is Sharon's ride, not yours. 395 00:19:53,020 --> 00:19:56,340 And anyway, who are you going to get to teach her to ride? The rag and bow man? 396 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,820 There ain't no horse places round here, and I'm certainly not going to give you 397 00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:00,960 a piggyback round the garden. 398 00:20:02,420 --> 00:20:04,380 Do you know where Mark keeps his horses? 399 00:20:05,420 --> 00:20:10,040 Yeah. And you say he's far away this weekend doing his rugged and manly 400 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:11,900 Yes. Right. 401 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,240 Then we know where to ring to get a lesson or two. 402 00:20:23,710 --> 00:20:25,610 Could you have borrowed me something to fit? 403 00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:26,810 How? 404 00:20:26,950 --> 00:20:28,870 Where would I find someone else the same shape? 405 00:20:30,390 --> 00:20:32,070 That must be your horse, Sharon. 406 00:20:33,410 --> 00:20:34,890 Isn't he magnificent? 407 00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:37,770 Leave now. 408 00:20:40,550 --> 00:20:42,430 Can't I find something a bit smaller? 409 00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:46,650 Well, not to put too fine a point on it, Sharon, they could hardly put you on a 410 00:20:46,650 --> 00:20:48,590 Shetland pony, think what the RSPCA would say. 411 00:20:49,010 --> 00:20:51,330 Come on. Remember why you're doing this. 412 00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:53,810 Well, Mark's got other hobbies as well. 413 00:20:54,410 --> 00:20:55,369 It's golf. 414 00:20:55,370 --> 00:20:57,230 He plays golf. I could learn golf instead. 415 00:20:57,470 --> 00:20:58,770 Oh, come on. 416 00:20:59,030 --> 00:21:00,430 Show some fortitude. 417 00:21:01,490 --> 00:21:02,490 Aye? 418 00:21:02,630 --> 00:21:03,630 Bottle, Sharon. 419 00:21:04,170 --> 00:21:05,170 Bottle. 420 00:21:17,870 --> 00:21:18,870 He's there like a camel. 421 00:21:19,030 --> 00:21:19,809 Come on. 422 00:21:19,810 --> 00:21:25,190 A couple of little hops up to get... Perhaps if we had a winch. 423 00:21:28,650 --> 00:21:29,650 Nice big jump. 424 00:21:48,270 --> 00:21:49,270 Paid for one that moves. 425 00:21:49,690 --> 00:21:50,690 Now off you go. 426 00:23:03,820 --> 00:23:04,820 How are you? 427 00:23:06,140 --> 00:23:07,140 Mark? 428 00:23:12,300 --> 00:23:13,300 Hello, Mark. 429 00:23:15,700 --> 00:23:16,700 Hi. 430 00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:18,700 Sharon. 431 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:21,960 Look, 432 00:23:22,180 --> 00:23:26,080 that's going to be all for today. So just tack him up and lunge him for half 433 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,480 hour and don't forget to hose his legs if they seem hot again, OK? 434 00:23:29,220 --> 00:23:30,220 Right. 435 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:42,600 I'm sorry about that, darling. 436 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:45,840 Family. You wouldn't want to meet them. You know how it is. 437 00:23:46,460 --> 00:23:47,600 No, I don't, actually. 438 00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:49,500 Come along, Mark. Chop, chop. 439 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:51,240 There's no time to talk to girls. 440 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,220 Come along, that boy. Yes, I'm coming, Mummy. 441 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,320 Mark, will you hurry along? 442 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,900 I hardly see you during the week, so don't spoil our nice weekend. 443 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:08,720 Mummy. Yes, just ignore her. She's rather highly strung. Pay no attention, 444 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:09,720 don't. Mark! 445 00:24:11,050 --> 00:24:12,050 are you doing? 446 00:24:12,650 --> 00:24:14,730 Aunt Pegas is expecting us at four. 447 00:24:14,950 --> 00:24:17,070 And don't forget we have to be home by eight. 448 00:24:17,410 --> 00:24:18,830 It's David Attenborough tonight. 449 00:24:19,350 --> 00:24:23,150 You've been looking forward to the penguins all week. So come along, that 450 00:24:23,670 --> 00:24:25,150 Yes, um, yes, Mummy. 451 00:24:25,470 --> 00:24:26,449 Look, Sharon. 452 00:24:26,450 --> 00:24:27,450 Mark! 453 00:24:27,610 --> 00:24:29,230 Better run along to Mummy, Mark. 454 00:24:29,490 --> 00:24:30,890 Yes, um, yes. 455 00:24:31,150 --> 00:24:32,150 All right, um. 456 00:24:33,510 --> 00:24:36,070 Um, give me a bell. 457 00:24:39,980 --> 00:24:41,920 Wear around your neck to warn off other women. 458 00:24:46,460 --> 00:24:47,740 Anything I can do? 459 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:50,820 Yeah, you can get me out of here. 460 00:24:53,020 --> 00:24:54,020 Oh! 461 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:59,720 Ah! Well, personally speaking, leaving class prejudice aside, it sounds as if 462 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,560 you're better off out of that one, shall we? Oh, you're not kidding. 463 00:25:03,180 --> 00:25:04,560 Oh, what a wally. 464 00:25:05,060 --> 00:25:09,180 I bet his idea of a dirty weekend is two days mucking about in a sandpit. 465 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,600 You'd have been in no fit state for a dirty weekend. You'd have been knackered 466 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:14,439 before you got there. 467 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,940 I would have recovered if it had been worth it. 468 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,960 What for, eh? Some big mummy's boy. 469 00:25:20,460 --> 00:25:21,500 Nah, forget it. 470 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,520 Garthy! Hi, Mum. Hi, Auntie Sharon. Oh, you came home after all. 471 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:29,800 Well, yes and no. 472 00:25:30,060 --> 00:25:31,140 I'm still off to Scotland. 473 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:32,460 The car's outside waiting. 474 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,620 We're being chauffeur -driven all the way there. Isn't that smooth? 475 00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:39,920 Smooth, yeah, smooth. I just had to call by to see you before we went. 476 00:25:40,490 --> 00:25:41,750 They asked five of us to go. 477 00:25:41,990 --> 00:25:45,250 Everyone was mad keen, but two wimps had to go home because of their mothers. 478 00:25:45,790 --> 00:25:47,450 And you know what everyone's calling them. 479 00:25:48,410 --> 00:25:50,230 Thanks, Mum. Thanks for letting me go. 480 00:25:50,470 --> 00:25:52,750 Oh, and you came all the way to tell me that. 481 00:25:53,270 --> 00:25:56,390 And to say, could you let me have 20 quid? 482 00:25:57,030 --> 00:25:58,030 I'm great. 483 00:25:58,330 --> 00:26:02,690 Well, everything up there will be paid for, but as Dad always says, a geezer's 484 00:26:02,690 --> 00:26:03,790 got to have money in his pocket. 485 00:26:04,310 --> 00:26:05,790 Course he has. Hold on. 486 00:26:07,490 --> 00:26:09,210 Nice to see you looking so, uh... 487 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:10,740 Well, Auntie Sharon? 488 00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:12,500 So fit. 489 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,320 So healthy. 490 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,980 Yeah, all right, Garth, all right. Oh, mate. 491 00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:19,440 Have the maggots on me. 492 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:20,680 Thank you. 493 00:26:20,820 --> 00:26:21,820 Oh, 494 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:23,460 bye. I'll ring you from there. 495 00:26:23,660 --> 00:26:24,700 You make sure you do. 496 00:26:25,140 --> 00:26:26,920 Bye. Bye, Garth. Love you. 497 00:26:32,580 --> 00:26:34,000 All right? Yeah. 498 00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:35,740 You all right? 499 00:26:36,260 --> 00:26:37,260 Oh, well. 500 00:26:37,740 --> 00:26:39,660 A little bit older, but none the wiser. 501 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:41,800 It's life, isn't it? 502 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:46,720 A bit of joy, a bit of sadness, a bit of lingering pain. 503 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:50,600 Help us up, Trace. 504 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:52,880 I've got to stick my bum in the freezer.